Parenting is tough! As our children grow, the job doesn’t get easier, but simply changes. As our children turn into teenagers the role of caring for them becomes a bit more complex. They are now more independent and more able to care for themselves, so our parenting role evolves more into providing guidance, support and advice. This often involves having tough conversations with our teenagers. One very important topic to discuss with our children is sex.
Talking to Your Teen About Sex
Yes, this can feel like an uncomfortable talk to have with your child, but it is necessary. There is no “right” age to begin talking to your child about sex. Some parents choose to be open and honest with their children about sex as early as toddlers. It is up to every parent how and when they choose to have this talk, but we recommend including the following topics in your discussion around sex:
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Abstinence – Sex can always wait. They should never be in a rush to experience sex.
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Peer Pressure – Feeling pressured to have sex is never acceptable. They should never do anything just because they feel like their friends are pressuring them. Just because everyone else is doing something does not mean they need to do the same.
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No Means No – Make sure they understand that when someone says no, it means no. Also, be sure to communicate that they have every right to say no and that should be respected. Regarding sex or other situations, if their peers or authority figures are not respecting this, they should tell a parent or another adult immediately.
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Safety – If they do choose to have sex, educate them on having safe sex. Openly discuss birth control options and using condoms.
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Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI) – While discussing safe sex, be sure your child understands how STIs are spread and the potential long-lasting serious effects if left untreated. Bust the myth that only penetration is sex. Oral, touch, anal and vaginal penetration are all considered sex and can lead to STIs.
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Pregnancy – Your teenager may roll their eyes that sex leads to pregnancy, but an unplanned teen pregnancy is life altering. According to the CDC, “Only about 50% of teen mothers receive a high school diploma by 22 years of age, whereas approximately 90% of women who do not give birth during adolescence graduate from high school.” Talk with your teen’s doctor about forms of birth control to prevent pregnancy.
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Screenings –Regular screenings are very important for everyone, including your teenager. It’s important to remember that teenagers are not always open and honest with their parents about their sexual activity. In the U.S. the average age of losing their virginity is 17-18 years old. Talk with your teen’s physician about recommended screenings if you think they may be sexually active.
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Sexual Health – Communicate the importance to your teen that if something doesn’t seem right to seek medical treatment. Early detection of STIs is essential for treatment and avoiding serious complications.
Tough Conversations – Getting Uncomfortable
There is no way around having these tough conversations, and the best thing we can do is embrace the discomfort. These uncomfortable discussions will have a lasting impact on our children. They will help your teen make better choices, prevent unwanted pregnancy and STIs, and educate them on safe sexual practices. Remember, your doctor is always happy to help with these tough conversations.